Bin Laden in Davos

Do you know this uncanny feeling when reality and satire seem to merge?

The global edition of The New York Times this weekend dedicated its page 5 to “Davos 2010.” And who’s there? Just next to a story on emissions in China, opposite of an article on green technology, not far from a note on Bill Gates’ grand vaccination plans, all discussed in the Swiss Alps? — Osama bin Laden, yes. Saying that climate change is real, that “the industrialized countries, especially the big ones,” are responsible for it, and that America should have signed Kyoto. Sounds as if he’s getting ready to apply for asylum in Europe.

Fair enough. But, reading the NYT, the uninformed reader may get the impression that the al-Qaeda icon just could not make it to Switzerland, like Lula, and stayed in his own wintery Pakistani mountain resort. At least he had the decency to put out an audio message for the press and his critics.

The bearded PR virtuoso did it already two weeks ago. He broadcast a message “from Osama to Obama,” as he had it, proudly claiming victory because a Nigerian chap burned his undies in an airliner. The US president seemingly had nothing better to do than reply: the message would be “hollow justification for the mass slaughter of innocents,” a spokesman said. Really? Think about it, OBL goes by his initials, BHO doesn’t quite yet. Of course the man who wanted to be US president could not leave the playground to the two world leaders exchanging punches in that funny rhyming name game. So he also staked his claim and said that OBL is “still a motivating force for jihadists, Islamist extremists throughout the world,” McCain knew. Glad you mention it.

Who wouldn’t want to be part of that epic struggle? On page 1, same paper, Andrea Elliott, in an excellent article, chronicles the jihadi next door: Omar Hammami’s journey from rural Alabama to the Somali jihad and al-Shabab. The American mujahideen, aka Abu Mansoor al-Amriki, also bowed to that anti-globalization cave-dweller’s authority, “All of us are ready and willing to obey his commands.” Get ready, Hammami, to work on your carbon footprint.

So here’s an idea for Osama: why don’t you do your own global conference in your own mountains next winter? Build a ski lift, call it “Tora Bora 2011,” and cover the full Monty: climate change, carbon trade, the financial crisis, China, why not the end of capitalism, you name it, really. Perhaps The New York Times – not to speak of lesser papers – would dedicate a full page to your charade, certainly half a page. And count on the White House press conference, with luck also on some European capitals. Hawks in Washington and elsewhere of course will read it as a sign of your awesome powers. Young jihadis everywhere will love it.

Problem, of course, could be that ski lift. It’s quite tough to actually build something, as opposed to just blowing stuff up, you’ll see. Really tough. Particularly when it involves politics. So be careful. The Hammamis and the Obamas and even the editors could find out. They might stop giving you the attention of a terror rock star and folk hero.